kelwebby

I know its been awhile and it always seems to be on my menstrual down climb that I feel like posting an entry.

Yesterday as I gardened I was a bundle of frustration as I thought about certain things currently bothering me. 

I have avoided Dan all weekend as I was not in the mood for games. I did see him at work Sat and have a feeling his ex got a 
lift to work with him that day. This part doesnt bother me. The part where after work he rings me to tell me I should work for her next Sat instead of assisting his parents at the Magic Million Sales (big horse yearling sale).  She too is assisting a person with their horses at the sales. The human resource lady advised me that Suzy (dans ex) is responsible to find someone to work her shift otherwise she will have to work it herself. Call me over re acting but when he rings me to say his folks are happy for me to work at the races............. its not his position too. To be honest Im going to the sales in a hope to buy one or two horses. They can all go screw themselves cos I dont think I should help them at all now that they can go one day with out me, they can go all 5 days with out me. As for the job at the races...... its the shittest most pompus crap ever. I do not wish to partake in that job and will not ever do it again. grrrr, here I go again.

ANYWAY NYE consisted of standing around a drunken bf on his front lawn after his mother picked us up from Mash Brewery cos he had guzzled too much alcohol by 11pm.

I have caught up with an old friend at the Queens the other week. Bruce and I met up with Nick and his wife (forgot the name... i think its kate) and their newborn baby nathaniel. Nice to just catch up, but food and drinks later, the $ hit hard.

Went to BDO, I was probly one of those annoying drunk ppl. haha, na I was behaved but intoxicated. I couldnt really get into the music at certain times cos the group would want to move/wait for someone/toilet/ bar. etc etc. I was however listening to Hilltop Hoods but the sound just wasnt travelling and it wasnt as though i was at the back of the place. I was in front of the drinking area. The sound kinda travelled but you couldnt hear there singing. I didnt like how they had an entrace to the mosh area, It was shaped like a beer bottle. Skinny at the entrance which made entry slow and painful. To be honest there was very little need for this area as the fence for the 18+ drink area was close enough. I enjoyed hilltop hoods, regurgitator, silverchair, ratm and carl cox right at the end. But most of all I enjoyed the lilypad for its funky casual tunes as the alcohol was wearing off and i was winding down for the night. First time the lily pad has ever really attracted me.

Dan didnt come as he had a UTI. I took him to the drs the morning of the concert.  I managed to find a taker of the ticket with short notice which was great. I must remember to pay Peter for them.

Gardening has inspired me but I am restless at the moment. I am stepping out and drawing up plans (in my head) of a new stable block near the side of the shed. I also saw 360acres in chittering for $1.4m which would be the dream as I could plan out my whole perfect equestrian estate. 

Herman down the street has just got rid of his old old old merc for a 03 lexus. Its perfect and I want one. I got mum to sit in it and I think she wants one too. Im working on her.

My diary fills up quickly these days and Im looking forward to Fool's Gold on Wed. 

Im a tad self conscious at the mo suprise suprise. What with the extra 5kg I have gained. When I think about it not one single bf was ever generous on the compliments, Im feeling really shit. Looks fail, weight fails and my energy levels get low too. Am I just constantly dating the wrong guys, should I speak up and ask for them or should I be shot and help save the world from breeding ugly ppl. uggghh sign.

I went to the dr to get the implanon contraceptive removed from my arm. I had it installed in april last year and think it may be a great contributor to my weight gain. I booked it in with the reception lady at the drs and advised what was to be done. I was to get the cervical injection too. They advised of a time suitable for both the nurses and the dr to do it. When I went in with the dr she refused to take it out and said I should take the pill on top of the implanon to help make my menstruals regular. She then said go away and think about it. I advised I had spoken to trac (nurse lady) and I want it out. She tried to say I needed to book in advance, which I advised I did. She checked her computer but came back to me refusing to assist with removal. I was ushered out of the room. I went to the nurses station for the cervical injection and they lined me up a different dr to assist with the removal. I will be making complaint about the first dr.

ok enough.

bed time

 So we are galloping the track on the last race. Seth vs Billy. I was on Seth and Juliann was on Billy. One of my main wishes was to race the two boys against each other. I once was riding Seth in the Bush and was leading Billy when we turned for home and they decided to race each other. I had to let Billy go so I could control Seth and slow him down. Anyway, Kulin Bush races, last race of the day. Both horses had raced twice and this was a fun lap to see who was quicker then the other. Billy had come third earlier in the day and Seth was amazing and was right behind the leaders until he decided the track was too hard and veered to the left in an attempt to run on the strip of dirt which was supposedly the inside barrier. Both boys were great. We camped the night and all was well but the last race just ended all wrong.

The crowd was drunk and rowdy. There were hundreds in not thousands of ppl there. The last race was gonna be over and I was gonna get drunk and rowdy too. So we line the horses up and GO was the word. Once we jumped Seth was soon in front of Billy. The rest of the horses were already in front as one girl advised me they practised there starts over and over again. I on the other hand didnt.  Anyway Juliann reckoned Seth cut Billy off and I could beleive that. Its something the sly old dog would do. He wasnt a nasty horse, but he loved giving Billy a hard time. When we were parading in front of the crowd Seth actualy kicked out at Billy and got Juliann in the leg. Im assuming that was Seth showing Billy who was boss. Anyway Seth crossed the finish line behind majority of the field and Billy was not too far behind. As we had passed the line and were pulling up I was thinking of the celebration drinks after, the reminiscing of the races and what I had learnt. I was hoping the horses could then eat all there dinner and relax. With the hope that Seth feel happy that once again he kicked Billys butt. 

The crowd had started dashing in for the bar, the band was about to start and the festivities were all getting swinging. We were slowing down the pace and the track was hard so the horses were not slowing all that fast. There was a soft spot on the track which was a sandy track that went into the middle of the racecourse itself. It had become quite boggy. Seths leg gave way and I launched over the top. His left knee really buckled down and as in mid air I thought we will get out of this lightly, we have to, yet we had never had a fall like this before. I rolled and was waiting to hear the sound of Seth on the loose as he liked to do. I lay on the ground yelling out my pain and wiggling side to side so I could hurry up and attend him. I braced for one second as I went to sit up and try and find him when someone jumped onto me, pinning me down and telling me not to move. A lady then appeared and started to give me oxygen. I asked 'hows my horse' repeatedly,  the man who jumped me said he is up, the lady with the oxygen said no, he is down. I yelled out 'put him down if he is suffering' 'put him out of his misery'. There was silence for a few moments. Someone said 'they are putting him down'. I said 'seeya Seth' and the silence lasted a little longer. A man appeared to my left and said 'he is gone now'. With that I began to wale. I had no pain, the adrenalin was still beating through me. I was surrounded by unfamiliar faces who seemed like angels at the time. I was crushed to know that he was gone. My first ever horse who had taught me soo very much about horses. He could never be replaced, he was so very dear to me. He was my everything.

I beleive that the minute we hit the ground the vet was getting out of the car. They keep close tag on the races both vet and ambulance. They advised me he attempted to get up but his leg was broken and they sat on his neck til the vet came with the green dream drug to put him to sleep. I managed to sneek a peak to see what he was doing whilst all the comotion was going on. All I saw was his back and rump. The back of the saddle and the word pufferpad written across his saddle blanket. We raced in purple silks in that race. Im not sure whether it is a good or bad omen but purple has always been our colour.

They supposedly dragged his body onto a  horse float. I dont know where he goes from there. Probly a rubbish tip somewhere. The crowd had little acknowledgment of what happened but a few ppl saw the drama and started to come over. They were kept back. Im very glad, they positioned the horse float so no one could really see him be put down or dragged up into the float. Dan reckons the horse was out of sight and was not even aware he was put down. The two Dan's appeared near my feet and I could see them amongst the bodies fussing around me. I had full body motion and was consious throughout yet I knew I had done my collar bone. When I looked at the two Dan's they saw me looking, I pulled the rude finger sign at them to let them no I was ok. They laughed. I had finished my waling. I had too, they thought I was in pain. Wrong pain though.

Dan came to the hospital with me in the ambulance, we got the flashing light treatment. He rode in the front cos apparently I said no to him being in the back. I was given a green whistle thing that I was to take due to pain, under the circumstances I just continually took it in the attempt to rid it all and hope its a bad dream.

I got to the hospital and a lady with fuzzy hair was my nurse, she injected something into my leg which made me feel quite ill. I would then have exrays done. I would be standing up and going in and out of conciousness. Dan reckons I went yellow, so yellow I looked dead. The doctor examined the exrays and compared them to notes he had in a lever arch folder, how very professional. Kondinin hospital then showered me, put my arm in a foamy sling and lent me a pair of pj pants then sent me away with drugs. The other Dan came and picked us up, as we drove back to campsite the fireworks display was happening, it was very nice, but sadness hit me once again.

Back at camp Juliann informed me Billy was in a bad way. The vet had pressure wrapped his leg and we were hoping for the best. He needed exrays when he got home. Billy has a hairline fracture 3-4cm above his fetlock joint. 6-8 weeks of keeping him still and not upsetting the fracture will be crucial for him to get through this. He does however have bone chips floating around which will cause complications but should be attempting to penetrate to the outter surface. Seth and I were all Billy really knew for the last year or so. Billy was right behind us when we fell. He knew Seth was a gonna Juliann said. He didnt neigh for him afterwards or anything. Billy hadnt seen me after the race either. I was too weak to visit him when I got back to camp and he hadnt realised I was still around. I have a special whistle I would do to Seth, Billy knew it too. I cold see Billy staring at the track and wasnt really taking his eyes off it. He was a good 20 metres away from me. I gave him the whistle and he automatically focused in on me, in an instant. It was dark and he wouldnt have seen me cos I was in the swag but I put my hand up and waved, I called out his name to let him no that was for him. ahh how cute. I then layed there and cried quietly to myself whilst the two Dans sat on the deck chairs beside me in the cold wind and drank.

I told them to go over and see whats happening near the bands. Plus I was in and out of sleep as they loaded me up with Panadeine Forte. They headed over for half hour and wondered back and we all went to sleep. Some strange dark clouds floated over us that night as I lay staring at the sky. In the morning the fluffy clouds where making pictures of horses racing and I once again lay there crying to myself. The other Dan awoke and hit the road a short time later. We packed up, headed up for breakfast, then Dan drove the Manual Toyota Landcruiser I hired from Budget home with just Billy in the float. Billy was so welled behaved. He ate like a trooper on the drive home and he even had a drink of water too, which is something Seth was very difficult about. 

I got home and was greeted by mum and Christine, the girl who was helping do the horses that morning. Herman soon arrived and we all unpacked the car, Dan and I then headed to his place and got rid of his stuff. Then we dropped the hire vehicle off.

The next day I headed to my local GP straight after getting exrays re done. The exray ppl where slightly difficult as the request form wasnt properly completed. The told me I would have to go back to the dr (in Kondinin) and fill out the paperwork again cos they couldnt get in contact with the place. I was in no mood to be fucked with. I rang 12456 on my mobile and was connected straight to the hospital, I put the girl on my mobile phone and told her to sort it out. The half heartedness of staff on a Monday morning was shit. She soon got the details she required and within no time my exrays were done and I was on my way tothe GP. He however couldnt fit me in til 1.30 in which it was only 10am. I had requested my name be put on the cancellation list, therefore if any apptments come up sooner then 1.30 they can call u. So after the exrays at 10am I decided to try my luck. When I got there the lady advised me she could get me in at 11.20 with the same dr. I then advised my detials and cancelled the later apptment. I also happened to look down at the cancellation list to see there was not one single name written on that list at all!!!!! Mum and I went into Noranda cafe and had a bite to eat. One of my horsey friends rang to send her love but she is one of those horsey women who do not like horse racing or beleives in pushing a horse too hard. It was a bit of an awkward conversation cos I knew she was biting her tongue and due to my pain levels I was in no mood to back down or reneg on what had happened.

I eventually got into my dr, in which he was under pressure as they appeared over booked and under staffed. He barely looked at me or my ex rays, He reluctantly gave me a referal to an ortho pod and didnt even look twice at my sling thing, nor did he touch me. He advised 6 weeks of healing. He gave me one perscription for Panadeine Forte with no repeats. I went to the chemist and got my medicine. Whilst in there I rang the place I was referred to which couldnt get me in til the 22nd Oct. They advised me of another dr. Mr O'Beirne. I rang his office and the lady advised me I couldnt get an apptment tilthe 9 Nov. For some reason I continued to give her my details and to book in for the apptment. These apptment were 3 weeks away!! I would have been half way through healing!!! Yet still I gave the lady my details. She asked me what I was needing looked at, I advised her it was my collar bone. She then asked if it was a horse accident and if I did it at the bush races. Suprisingly enough, she was there and saw the whole event. She was one of the drunk ones. With that, she requested I fax her my referal and exray notes and she would get the ortho pod assistant to contact me. Later that day a lady rang and advised me to go in 2pm the following day. With that, the operation was the following MOnday. Today being Tues the op went well although I had a lump of some sort on the top of my shoulder which I am hoping will drop into my body more cos I think it is part of the plate and it is freaking me out how its pushing outward.

The op went well and my room mate was a lady called Chelsey. We spent over an hour talking at midnight. The nurse came in and gave me some food cos I hadnt eaten since mid day. She then gave us both some painkillers in which we then slept through the night peacefully.

But here is my winge, and after typing all that I cannot even be bothered wingeing. But I must. One handed or not, I still cannot trust ppl. I am so cranky at the moment with what has been happening, especially at home with the horses. I have a trainer here who shouldnt even have his horse here how is now taking over my space. Let me give you a briefing of how over ppl I am.

The Monday after the trip, my horse float still loaded with all my horses gear, my arm in a sling, me not wanting to be annoyed, me feeling pretty shit, I get a phone call. Its the horse trainers daughter advising she will be over my house in 10 minutes to use my float. I then had to start unloading it all and was not in the mood for it. They have there own float in Ascot but mine was more convenient obviously. The next morning they were taking there 2 horses to track work, one of there horses will only go on the float for me. So at 4am, there I am arm in sling, loading there horse into the float. I then had to go to the track with them. WHO THE FUCK WOULD DO THAT FOR ME!!!!! Like I would ask anyone that. And to be completely honest, you should not be allowed a trainers licence if you cannot get your own horse on a float!!! simple!!!

Anyway, This guy is in my territory and I want him out.

My mother is the shittest driver in the world and I never wish to be in a car with her again with her behind the wheel. She has helped me a fair bit but as far as food is concerned, I still have to cook. Tonight I put a pizza in the oven, I was attempting to cut the pizza up with great struggle but the drunk bitch still turned a blind eye and fucked off to bed.

Our septic tanks have fucked up and Barry the maintenance man has had to pull up a heap of paving out the back. He layed one pile down again but it is uneven and aweful. He shouldnt be allowed to lay the other section down. It should be put down properly by professionals but his 'temporary fix' attitude tells me they should all be relaid as there should be a greater slope away from the house to drain the water. Nothing wrong with the slope at the mo if you ask me!!!!

Also whilst being away neither Barry nor the trainer could put a rug on Shelby my horse Im breaking in. If that doesnt tell me something I dont know what does. 

Im so over ppl and Im about to use my pain in my arm as an excuse to be a nasty person so all these ppl will either fuckoff, or do things my way. Cos at the end of the day, who is helping me cut my pizza............. NOONE!!

Well now that I think about it I will give the woman credit. I went to Parklife yesterday. I had full intentions of getting into a drunken stupor in the 10 hours of the concerts existance. Long weekend...... double demerits..... I wasnt risking anything, so I got mum to drop me in there. I was unsure if I would be attending an afterparty or going straight home. Eitherway I wanted to keep my options open and feel free of responsibility and burden, therefore no car.

I got in there around 2.30 as I knew alot of my friends where still on there way. Aaron and Lauren where already there and so was Brin, a horse chick I know who is about 20. I met up with Brin near chicken treat. We hugged and she asked me to come to the toilets with her. We then waited in line for a good half hour. She asked me to go into the same cubicle as her........ lucky for her there was a cover for the toilet seat where she arranged her high for the day. 

We then proceeded to the drinks, I am a bourben drinker and Jim Beam is my best choice. I can drink it continuously and have little to no hang over. I am almost immune. But noooooo, they sold 6 different vodka mixes, 4 different johnnie walker mixes and Slate bourben. Iv never touched the stuff before and I had no other choice. I bought one of those as well as a vodka and redbull (as I thought I needed the nrg to keep up with peepy Brin). The vodka redbull was aweful and I was then greatful that the Slate wasnt too bad. Yet, the line for drinks was once again ridiculous.

I then caught up with Aaron and Lauren and watched Riots in Belgium. Iv never heard of them but they were one group I really liked. 

Im getting tired now. 

Anyway, at the end of the concert, 5 drinks later and feeling a tad tired I phoned my mum and she came and picked me up. The other 8 people who were kicking on, walked with me to meet her. It all went well apart from my tiredness which hit me today. Yesterday morning I was up at 5 am taking horses to the race track. Twas a long day.

I must however have a grope about my mother. Her negativity can eat a persons heart out. Her care for the things you want are of no existance to her. The fn cow got me a hot chicken roll instead of a chicken strip sub. I couldnt think of what it was called but I told her it was the one with lettuce in it. She went to red rooster and came home with the wrong food. She told me I dont eat lettuce!!!!! What was so unclear? Why doesnt she listen?? I also ordered chips and gravy in which she returned with one the gravy.

This same thing happened last week where I asked her to make me a coffee as it was convenient at the time. She gave me very little sugar. I asked her why she didnt aske me how many sugars I wanted, she replied I thought you have the same amount of sugar as me!!! Since when??

And tonight just topped it off. I met Fleur at Alfred's Kitchen for a steakburger with cheese, bacon and egg. I forgot to ask for no onion. I ordered mum a pea and ham soup as she requested. I ordered a large, I used my own money.

She rings me: Have you ordered my soup?
Yes I reply, I ordered a large
I cannot remember what she said word for word but she began to rubbish me about wasting money on buying a large instead of a small and how Im always overdoing it. The words stupid bitch may have come out of her mouth also. It wasnt the first time today she had said these comments and she had been informing other people of this also. 

There is a point she gets too, kinda like a puppy really, where they get so excited they cannot control themselves. When there is some kind of excitement they get all worked up and accidentily make a mess. Mums mess is generally to herself. She ends up drunk for a few days, just topping herself up constently. Then she hits a sick wall, where her body gives way and needs time to recover. In the meantime you have to listen to her critisize everything and. Whats worse is she gets spitefull and the slander continues. You could slap her in the face and she wouldnt remember. hmmm very tempting.

I avoid conversations and long periods of being in her presence. The fighting gets loud and the name calling goes nowhere and the slap in the face becomes even more tempting. I would never hurt my mum as stick and stones........
but gosh its frustrating. The women has brains but she is not being constructive with them. This fase will pass and be rejuvinated all over again, til next time.

The escape to Parklife however many ques there were was much needed. To forget worries and responsibilities helped keep stress and anxiety at bay.

This coming weekend is the Kulin Bush Races. Neither of my horses are fit enough I dont think, however, we test there fitness levels tomoz to see. Im looking forwad to camping two nights with my horses. 

Deep breath (sigh) ahhhhh

thats all for now

So I just finish the tail end of my flu to be hit with a sore throat and a blocked nose. After 3 days the sore throat is subsiding and the blocked nose draggs on. Funny enough its only the one nostril. I excitedly awoke myself last night to take a deep breathe in and both nostrils were operational..... then bang, the door closed up again and the nostril has been inoperable ever since.

So work is starting to knock me a bit. The 11 horses Im supposedly working arent getting done and the ones that arnt are my own. They are always last on the list and therefore come time for my competitions that are coming up, they will be unfit for the event. Nevertheless, my horses are troopers and as long as we have fun and are together thats all that matters. It another little life experience that makes my life worth living.

Throw ppl into the equation (if thats how you spell it) and you have another outlook on life. I am currently annoying myself in the relationship I am in. I need to take steps back to realise I am doing what I didnt want to happen. You start wanting them around more, your friends are of second choice and insecurity starts kicking in. I am attempting to control this. I remind myself not to want too much cos you enjoy the freedom. I could rambleon about this but now I have 'a parnter' in my life, everything seems a tad more stressful. I seem to doubt myself and feel my self esteem plummet. I know I am nothing special to look at as I have dated many males with which none ever pass nice suggestive comments.  Sexy is probly the closest to a nice comment but I dont think I was sexy, I was probly just wearing slutty clothing! And if I were to race out and get a boob job and a face reconstruction all I will attract is men who cannot see past  my 'perks'. Isnt it amazing how I let peoples opinions be so heavy and upsetting yet horses make me feel so happy. The difference is horses seem to not criticise, I think that is a big fear of mine. Even if compliments are made to me, I have difficulties accepting them. 

On another note, my nostril is still blocked. I am considering purchasing a 4WD Landcruiser. I am also toying with the idea of going to NSW in May to purchase a few weanlings so I can bring them back to Perth, keep them til Feb the following year and sell them at the sales at yearlings. This is an attempt to make some good, easy money for myself. Im excited how engrossed in the horse industry I am becoming. A trainers license should be within reach in about 6 months time.

Went out last weekend, Fri nite to Simons Seafood Restaurant as a belated celebration of my Bday with Sasha. We took Dan, Dan and Fauzy. The restaurant was dead as everyone was at the football. The place is now a dive as the oysters are not fresh and the atmosphere is not like it used to be. We then proceeded to the Deen then to the Ruby Room where Sasha started snogging a random. The other Dan and her were starting to get friendly then Dan decided to go play Roulette. When he returned his place withSashahad been filled. Sat nite I stayed home and had a good nites sleep. I did pop over to see Liz and Carole and we watched a dvd about mouthing the young horse. I started falling asleep so I went home. Sun nite I went to dinner with Tracey and Peter. Dan was supposed to join us but did not as his sister was cooking a 3 course meal. He advised that she asked if I would like to join them. Good to know I am on the inroad with the sister as she doesnt like the thought of her younger brother dating an older chick. She is 24. Siennas was nice, service was slow, food was to a good standard and the company always enjoyable. My company may have been a tad blarzay as the cold was just kicking in.

On my way to dinner I pulled up next to a white commodore with P plates on it. Now that I have adjusted my standards and younger men are no longer ruled out, I was slightly curious to check the P plater out, however, I did not. Keeping my eyes on the road ahead I drove off when the lights went green and found the P plater pacing himself along side. I managed to get ahead as I broke the speed by 20ks. At the next set of lights I realised the P plater was behind me. I used my rear view mirror to discretely check for talent. To my suprise it was Eric, Frencho, the ex!! When the lights turned green I turned the corner and got in front of the car in front of me, attempting to make distance between him and I. I then needed to turn left which Eric did too. He sat at a decent distance back. It felt like he was following me. I quickly drove through the next set of lights which turned red when he was approaching. Thank good ness. I quickly drove out of sight and turned right onto a back street. Who knows if he was following me. Who cares.

Well I strive not to let jealousy touch a single bone in my body, but last night Fauzy reckons I was.

Dan, Fauzy and I went to the Deen. There is a punching machine where you can measure your punching power. Fauzy and I like a game of pool to start our night rolling and to help the drinks go down. So whilst we played pool, Dan got drinking and became infactuated with the punching machine. He made many friends at the punching machine. When Fauzy and I finished winning pool (we let the table on a win, I sunk the black l. Fauzy and I stool a little while away so we didnt crowd Dan out. I kept looking inthe direction of the dance floor as I didnt know where else to look. Was I jealous? I did feel uncomfortable to stand there are look in Dans direction but I didnt feel I had anything to fear.

We later headed to the ruby room around midnight in which we were there for 30 min before Dan got kicked out for being too intoxicated. He did however, on the was to the RR, inform us that a "hottie" kissed his knuckles as they were getting sore from the punching machine. He also advised "she wanted me to go with her". This is when Fauzy said I was jealous. Its a situation where jealousy would occur, however, I didnt kick up a fuss, nor did I have the desire to punch him in the head. Therefore I beleive no jealousy crossed my bones.

Work oh work oh work. Does it ever stop. This place is pumping 17 horses and 11 to work. Where do I find the time. I just dont. Work is falling behind. Tomoz is Sunday and I still endevour to stay home and garden. I will arise early and feed and muck out for the horses. I will work a couple of horses. Then I shall engross myself in the lush green garden. Heck I may even take the phones off the hook, padlock the front gate and turn the music up. I may even wear a pair of shorts if the weather is nice, then again maybe not, the old guy across the street is fairly fit and would probly jump the fence to catch a perve. Fucken old men!!

Tonight I do not wish to go out. I feel dehydrated, my eyes feel baggy and to be still and quiet feels good. I resist sending sms's to Dan to much. He has enquired what I am doing tonight,  he has asked if I want to go out to the Deen again tonight. I replied no thanks. 

Im feeling a tad moody, I forgot how PMS felt seeings things have been unstabled since the Implanon was put in my arm. Good to know Im back to normal. Give me a day or so and I will be bouncing around high on life again. 

Dan just messaged me again. Y not what wrong with ya  was the sms. My reply: nothing u go. Have fun x. Like the way I put the x in there to clarify everything is fine. I thought that was good of me too!

Im attempting to drink a protein shake as my water levels are dangerously low and my food intake is too. I need a shower as I have not washed my face since yesterday and when I woke up I merely wet my eyes and wiped the black panda smudges all over the bath towel. Best I change the towel too.

So fathers day tomoz and selfish little me looks forward to being alone. I hope you have a good day with your father and enjoy the wisdom he has, or at least you thought he had when you were a little kid.

Dans dog was put down today. His folks are over Melbourne and he came home early so he could bury the dog before his sister got home from work. I went over cos I though it was the right thing to do. He has told me before that he is heartless. Not much bothers him. I can understand that cos I was very similar at his age.  He joked around and I sat and talked to him whilst he dug the hole and buried the dog. He didnt get emotional or anything. As much as I have nothing to grope about in this relationship so far. I wouldnt mind seeing 'the deeper' side of Dan.... emotionally that is.

With the horse flu thing going on and the miserable weather the horses have not all been getting worked as much as I would like. I do have  a cold and the arena I work the horses on has wood chips that are unsettled.

Im going to have a winge now. I dont know if I mentioned about the tree loppers working here. Well the wood was chipped and the leafy parts were carted away and used for mulch elsewhere. The wood chips arent just wood chips. They are actually different shapes and sizes. I have been to my adult riding club which has a prestigious arena with perfect size wood chip pieces. Why the hell do I continually get shit. Everything ever done on this property is of a second class. The maintenance man bodges everything as a 'temporary' fix. Maintaining shitty stuff is just no fun.

I still have to attack the fence, Im kinda excited about the idea but finding the time is another thing. 

I still have to attack my room, Im not excited about it and finding the enthusiasm is another thing. I refuse to have Dan over until my room is clean. He will be 21 before that happens I reckon.

House is on tonight. I love House. Its the final episode.

We are going paintballing for my birthday and I am very excited. The thought of organising a group together is also good but I am needing to outlay a deposit to secure the field for the afternoon. I need to have 20 ppl and its 20 per head deposit. So far I have 11 definates and 6 maybees. If a few ppl bring extra ppl we will make the numbers.

Then Im having drinks back at my place and im thinking an appetite will be worked up. So I will have to arrange catering for that. That also means I have some cleaning to do. Yay

So my birthday is on Thurs and I am planning already some endevours. Thurs I will require the farriers to come and shoe horses therefore no going out for lunch. Dinner with mum and possibly Dan. I would like to head to a vineyard maybe Sandleford. Fri High tea with Trace and possibly Fleur at the C Restaurant in town. Maybe followed with drinks at the Paddington Ale House with old work collegues. Sat possibly work at the races but I have asked one of the ladies to cover for me if possible. Sat night maybe the oyster bar with Sash and whoever followed by a slaughtering of alcohol with a side serve of Dan hehehe. Well Dan can at least catch me if intoxication is severe.

Sunday paintball. yay

OK on my immediate list is to get a tan on my legs. I have bought 2 dresses off ebay that I wish to one day soon wear. I need a tan.

Fathers Day this Sunday and my mums side of the family are going to Cafe Zed for my uncle and taking nana cos her bday is the same day as mine and they are making it into a family day. I am supposed to go. Mum is going. I asked Dan and he will let me know what the go is with his family. If he doesnt come I would be more then happy to reward myself with the peace and quiet at home and attempt to do some meditative gardening whilst mum is away. I can also ponder good times with my dad and hang out with the dogs. I may even take a trek to the cemetry.

Went to the movies last night with Dan and saw I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. It was good but right at the end its a bit corny. Full of laughs. Nice.

I have a chicken bone that is moving down my throat at a slow and uncomfortable pace. Its now level with my heart i think. Mum cooked this spaghetti chicken dish. There was a bone. As I sat there gagging and attempting to dislodge it from the side of my throat mum sat there with a smerk. I should chew my food better i think. Its amazing what she finds funny. She wont be laughing when im running around screaming ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! ahahaha

Yep the cougar is still prowling around Dan who is now 20 and no longer a teenager. I am so amazed at how weird ppl see it for an older women to date a younger man. Personally Im loven it.

His mother is a race horse trainer. She has asked me to ride her horse while she is over Melbourne. 

The big equine enfluenza has sent out alarm bells. No horse is to leave the property under the 72 hour stand still has been completed. I went to the info session today to find out more. This is transferrable through humans. There were some horses in the last week or so transported over from NSW and they are being monitored. I had Fluers horse come from one of the effected areas a month ago. Tamworth. But he is showing no signs and I dont beleive we are high at risk.

My room is a bloody mess and life is still frantic. 

I have a cold at the moment which Dan gave me. 

Went out for Laurens bday fri nite. Sash was there but a tad 'unwell'. Jan drove Lauren as Trace bailed and I avoid driving cos I always seem to be. Dan drove me and we picked up Fauzy (our other drinking mate). Was a good nite, I spent majority of it playing pool. We were at the Shed (Dan doesnt like it cos its full of 'cowboys'). We went to the Mustang and continued playing pool while the 3 girls danced. Jan drove Lauren home at 1. Sash caught a lift with us. Because Dan was driving I let the drinking flow. I really enjoyed having a few drinks and relaxing for once. Its way too expensive to do regularly so I am happy to drive more often.

The trees are being chopped down at our place. There are 7 that are being removed. Its becoming a big job. Mums getting shitty cos she is forever catering for them. They arrive around 8. Start the machines at 9. Stop at 10.30 for morning tea break for half hour. Stop for an hour at lunch and knock off at 3. Im sorry but are we being mistaken for a kindergarden? This is an expensive and long process and the boss of it told me he can break a horse in in 20 minutes. So thats why he chops down trees for a living!!???

Mum is good. When we went to the Gwen Stefani concert, the next morning she told me she had had a fall while I was out. My mum is such a cripple yet she is all of 63. Her half heartedness in everything she does accompanied with the wingeing of having to do it becomes tedious to deal with. 

I find I only ever feel like cleaning when she is not home. Its amazing how the presence of someone can make you anxious and nervy. Someone please explain what the word relax means.

I want to buy a comfy couch and a big arse tv. Then I can relax.

My horse Seth is in training for the Blackwood Marathon in Oct. Seth and Billy are both in training to do the Kulin Bush Races too. I cannot wait to gallop them against other horses. They always seem to want to race each other. They think there fast, so best they put there money where there mouth is. 

ok time for bed.

Since my fire chopping event. I have used up all my fire wood. I have some bigger logs cut up by friend Emanual which do require a very hot fireplace to burn such a big log. 

Fri 22nd aussiepoida, Trace and myself went to Korean in Subiaco and then to watch Blades of Glory. The food was along time coming, service a tad false but scarse, but the meeso soup was a complete downfall. I had been looking forward to that stock tasting soup which was delightful when I tried it for the first time at there Perth store. This was nothing more than hot water with some leek floating in the bottom. The other parts of the hot plate style food was nice, yet the lettuce leaves were too big and Trace and I were served this dish after aussiepoida had finished his. Therefore there timing was inadequate.

Blades of Glory very amusing. Napolian Dynamite should be a pre-requisite before watching this movie as it makes the sissy character just that tad more funny.

Being in Subi I did attempt to be half smartly dressed. The rain fall made me consider using an umbrella but I was in a rush and didnt look for one. My leather look jacket kept me snug.

Sat 23rd Emanual and Thorp (his offsider) came over and chopped down out approx 30m tree that blocks one of the double gates to my arena (place where you work the horses). This now allows for both 3m gates to be opened to full capacity to allow bigger/longer vehicles onto the arena. I do however, still require the stump to be ground out. 

All the leafy branches I carted up to a back paddock via the trailer and tractor. The big pieces of wood where neatly stacked on the side of the arena. Some are for next seasons fire wood, some are to be wood chipped. This took a large part of the day. Emanual then chopped some of the pre dried wood (big logs now in use for the fire), and he also serviced/cleaned my vintage chainsaw. Unfortunately when I went to attempt to use it to chop the big logs into smaller pieces the chain got stuck and doesnt spin. Emanual is returning Saturday so hopefully repairs can be made.

Sat nite went to Amfs birthday in Scarborough. An old friend from Scarb days. I saw my old housemate and a bunch of old friends I dont see apart from yearly at Amfs bday. A good night by all. Vivid moment remembered was when Bruce did a Tequila Stuntman Snort the salt, drink the Tequila and put the lemon juice in your eye. Very squirmish moment for all in his presence.

Sun 24th Cant remember doing much but recovering from an exhausting nite. Caring for the 17 horses still went on as usual. Just a tad slower.

Mon 25th My helper had the day off cos she was moving. I did all the work. SouthPark was missed as my eyes closed before it started. I woke up after midnight in anticipation, hoping it was about to start. Not so lucky

Tues 26th nothing worth mentioning

Wed 27th went to the races with Herman and his wife to watch his horse run. No good.

Thurs 28th aussipoida, Trace and I went to Shoe Show in Osb Park then to Karrinyup for a medioka coffee and some Big W shoppng. I bought too much and with that went over my limit on my card so when my direct debits came out..... $30 buck overdrawl fee. Damn it.

Fri 29th Dan, Aaron, Bruce and I went to see Transformers. Great movie, long, but great. People applauded when it finished. Will see again.

enough for now. House is about to start.

Tonight I decided it was time to burn off one of the three piles of leaves etc that I have. The winds were still, the wood was fairly dry and it is taking up alot of space.




From another pile, I pulled out some old dry branches and cut them up for firewood.





My assistant has recently been sharpened and I avoided the chain hitting the sand. It was a bit hard to start and its very heavy. I have a sorer back now, then the one I usually winge about.



Tomoz is a very busy day. I have the vet coming to check a horse and I have my friend coming to take the gas heaters for his bday party on Sat night. I hope there is talent at his bday. 

Trace, aussiepoida and I are heading to town for a taste of Korean and to watch Blades of Glory. Should be a good night. Trace has advised me that she has invited Lauren. I was suprised as lauren is hard to get in contact with. It will be great to see her again. Its been toooo long!!!!

Fleur should come too. Im awaiting her response. Maybe I should invite the 19 year old. Maybe not.

Im awaiting photobucket to open the link for registration. This is taking too long so I shall put my bon fire photos on another time. Trace advised me that 19 is way too old for me to date. She said 16 is more my age bracket. How sweet of her.

Back to the fire wood/bon fire: I am quite happy with my efforts to get the fire going and to start the chainsaw and to cut up all that wood. It doesnt look like much and I coulda chopped more but .........

It makes u feel good to be so constructive, its kinda got me motivation to clean the shed soon, so I can neatly store the firewood.  I felt usefull today and its kinda more fulfilling then partying at a night club and kissing a random. Not that I do that kinda thing.

Photo bucket is downloading my first photo. Its taking too long. I give up.

as the un proud person i am. I have now registered with Centrelink to receive Newstart Allowance. I told you I would register for dole money. I do however have to work hard for the $154 per fortnight. 

I attempted to go to the Centrelink office early so I could beat the crowd. I got there just before 9 and waited about 15 minutes. I then was seen to by a lady called Maggie. She photocopied some forms and typed on her computer. She then advised me I needed to bring in current bank statements, the original copy of my birth cert and some cards for identification which I was stupid enough to have left behind. I was with her for about 20 minutes and then left. I then went past Bunnings and bought some retic fittings and a valve cover and some terracotta pots that I will paint and plant bulbs in. I then stopped past hungry jacks and tried the new blt baguette which the lady at the drive thru recommended. It was scrum diddely ocious. Much better then the flavourless country chicken buagette I continually order which lacks sauce. This is a must try as I was happy satisfied with the taste.

I then went home and mucked out the paddocks. As my worker is off with a sore arm due to the kick she received by one of the horses over a week ago. I had to do everything myself today.  I am once again flat out with the horses as I had another 3 horses turn up yesterday. 

After mucking out I decided to get my paperwork together and head back down to Centrelink. It took me a good 10 minutes of lining up and I was in the shortest que with only one person in front of me. It then took another 15 minutes to process my claim. All in all I guess it didnt take too long but I feel like an absolute bum being seen walking into that place. The ppl all seem to be from a different planet, even the staff. Its a very time consuming place and I cannot stand it. I guess they do that to frustrate you on purpose and to motivate you to get a job. I have to go back in two weeks after I have listed 10 places I have applied for a job at. Yay. This is not going to work.

After going there a second time I decided to counter balance the bad experience with a visit to the wonderful and vibrant world of bunnings!!!! I love bunnings!!! This time retail therapy (on the business card) I bought

1 x Gaffa tape (for labels on the horses feed bins)
1 x Yates Gardening book (it looked real good cos the cover says"sold over 7 million copies")
1 x Dolphin torch in red with a little black bracket that adjusts the position of the light when placed on a surface
1 x Battery for the dolphin torch which costs as much as the torch.
1 x WD40 (very handy for everything rusty)

Oh I forgot to mention I bought a product called Feed and Weed in my first visit to the wonderful world called bunnings. I need to kill the dandilines in the grass. Whilst it kills weeds it feeds the lawn. What a brilliant product. I shall keep you informed on the success of it.

The guy who is pruning our trees has left his gear here which includes a stihl blower. He has shown me how to use it. How exciting. I do remember doing a diary entry which comprised of saying I need to go on the dole and I need a blower vac thingo. I got both. Well both are short term use but thats good.

Ok enough. I am currently on msn flirting with the 19 year old, well not flirting but merely attempting to get a compliment on the way I kissed or if my arse felt good but nooooo........ young people dont pay compliments!

Dont worry we didnt 'do it' but it got very tempting. Is there a survey done on this? I wanna know peoples opinions. But it all depends on the circumstances I think. Being in the race horse world everyone knows everyone and thing ppl talk. I like to keep a shield up in this company as pheony seems to be a great word to describe the scene.

Anyway. lemme give you a run down on what iv done since the GNR concert that rocked my world last sunday.

The monday night I went to a seminar regarding gastric ulcers in horses. They also showed us a video clip of something on a website called www.racingkillshorses.org . If you get a chance watch it. Its graphic and a tad disturbing but I will back horse racing til the day I die. I am yet to go on the website and drill them about the nonsense they are dribbling about. Race horses eat better then most people. They are fit, well managed athletes that are getting a chance to shine. When they are injured they are well looked after. Majority of the horses taken for slaughter are ones that are unmanageable, not in a healthy condition to live (those in serious pain are put down as soon as injured), and unwanted horses that no one wants. The unwanted horses they try hard to find homes for. In some instances they are better off at the knackery as alot of young girls attempt to 'save the horse' and yet put it in a paddock, not feed it, have no horse sense at all and end up putting the horse thru a miserable life anyway. Enough about this, you get my point. I do however like how these 'anti horse racing' people give our industry a hard time, yet there pure bred labrodor is locked in a small courtyard 24/7 with 7 foot walls surrounding them. Id much rather be the horse. I didnt mention how my horses get $110 shoes every 6 weeks!!!!!! Yes thats why I dress like shit!!!!

ok. Tues night not much i dont think

wed I worked at the races. I got a phone call from mums mobile in which it was Fleur. She came back a couple of days early to suprise me. How sweet. She is currently staying with her folks and possibly moving in here soon. Dunno how that will go as I do enjoy my own space. 

Thurs Joe and I went to dinner at Oceanus in celebration for his bday. Joe is my last serious ex bf. I do not include Eric as he was just a thorn in my side!!! 
Joe and I had 3 courses of fine dining. We enjoyed a bottle of red wine and coffee with our dessert. Twas lovely. He is right into cooking and is even taking cooking classes. We talked, laughed and ate as we overlooked the Indian Ocean and the waves rolling onto the lovely City Beach sand. $154 later which I insisted on paying as it was his bday. We grabbed a mint each from the giant bowl as we were leaving. They were in the clear and blue wrappers with the twisty ends... you know the ones. Anyway I dropped mine. So did my bottom lip as we were walking to the car. Joe had already put his in his mouth and offered it to me by poking it out of his mouth. Our lips met and I took the mint. We then got in the car and I offered it back , it was afterall his bday, this time our lips met a tad more warmer. Only for a quick swap of the mint but I felt warm. He did offer it back again but I refused. This was all too overwhelming esp after half a bottle of red each. I was bedazzled.
We then went to innaloo and watched Pirates of the Carribean. Very good, worth a laugh. There will be another cos the girl and guy are on different ships. 

Fri I took Fleur to Peter and Traces place. We Wii d for a bit before heading to the cinema and watching oceans 13. I had had a bourben on the way (as it is essential for fri after work) then I had coffee as we wii d. We then went to the cinema and one hour into the movie I needed to wee! The movies were fairly busy and I noticed everytime someone got up I would stare. I was not gonna let that happen to me for some dumb reason. So I held on til the end. It was a good movie but I was losing focus a bit as I was busting to go and a little tired due to the alcohol consumed earlier. I did enjoy myself. I did find the cinema complex to not be as flash as I would have expected but I think they are old which is amazing how much perth is expanding as I do remember when Joondalup was new. I never really head up there often so it shows how the years are rolling along doesnt it? I do now compare all movie cinemas to Midland. That is a nice cinema.

Sat my brothers friend Emanual (the only decent friend he has) came over and pruned our palm trees. All 5 of them. It took from 2pm til about 5. He would climb them. He did a fantastic job. He had 3 kids with him aging from 6 to 9. All girls. They found me entertaining as the would ride on the trailer behind the tractor as I carted big palm branches into the back paddock ready for burning. This sat he is supposed to come and do some of the big trees near the house. I do not like entertaining kids. I hate all the questions.

Sat nite I picked up Dan (the 19yo) and fowles (23) who are my farriers and took them to Sashas apartment in the city. I did invite more ppl via sms but none came. Sashas new male friend Daniel also met us there. As well as Steve the greyhound trainer. Have I told you bout him? He is the guy with the gf I used to work with. Seperated recently. Very doable in a relationship sense but got baggage. How unfortunate. Anyway. We all had drinks then headed to the Mustang bar. Dan being the cool 19 yo does not dance, so we got him real drunk. He then danced. Fowles arranged to meet up with some more ppl there so in the end there was a fair group of us. Sash headed to the dance floor with the policeman Daniel. I found it odd that she did not head to our usual spot on the floor. I was going to follow but I got talking to the group we were in. I then later looked over to see........ kissing!!! I gasped and then repeatedly said to Steve "OMG I cant beleive their kissing". I had unaproprately had a few drinks and was driving. I promise that will be the last time. We then lost contact with Sash and Daniel the policemen and we then headed to the Red Sea in Subi. I had Alycia, Mr Lynch, Fowles, Dan and Steve in the car. We met up with the others who managed to get us up to the top floor of the Red Sea quite quickly. It was about 2am by this time. We were all dancing on the dance floor then Foles and Dan were on the podium. Dan grabbed the roof railing and was swinging from there a bit. Very amusing. When we were on the dancefloor you would get a shove from these drunk girls bringing up there 'prey' for the night. The two of them would the dance seductively together. This happened in 3 different occasions. Twas highly amusing as the girl would use her eyes to woo the man. haha im still laughing at the drunk, wealthy, sad arses. Dan insisted on putting his hands on my waste at both locations, the mustang and the Red Sea. Was very cute. Mr Lynch did not accompany us to the Red Sea as he decided to sleep in the car. When Fowles, Dan and myself left the Red Sea I went to the car before them and attempted to get an address from Mr Lynch. He only said uhh. There was vomit and urine not far from the car. Iwonder if it was his? I then removed his wallet from his pocket and attempted to get an address. All there was in there was $200 a permit to train and a permit to ride trackwork. This is how I found out his name and status cos all night he was just another person with us. A tad scrawny. I cant recall his first name so I just call him Mr Lynch. Fowles and Dan came to the car and Fowles advised he knew where he lived. I then dropped them two home. Dan insisted on having his hand on my leg as we drove. Then he would play with my hair. Now I have exceeded the drinking limit for a driver and as I attempt to drive up Lord street towards home he insists on kissing me. IM DRIVING!!! I managed to do both in my state. I was impressed with myself. We then got onto his street where he insisted on puttin the car in park so we could make out. I took advantage of the situation but would then insist we didnt. We got to the front of his house he quickly got out of the car to urinate in the middle of the road. I took that opportunity to drive off, flinging the door closed as I accelerated. I got home safely giggling to myself. I just couldnt do it. He has only recently split with his first serious gf who is 18 and I also know her. I sometimes do her job at the races. Its all too weird and is best not touched. We did however message each other the next day. I now have his email and we are myspace friends (how cute).

Sun I felt real crap. Headache and still drunk. I got home at 5.30. I was aiming at getting home at 1!!!!! Its always the way. I had a riding lesson at 10am which I had to take Seth too. We came straight home as I couldnt socialise in my state. Seth could see the condition I was in and was a good boy. 

Sunday nite I had Bruce and some of those friend come over as a small catch up for Bruces bday. We had a few drinks, pizza and laughs. We were all huddled around the gas patio heater we have on the front verandah. It was cold but the heater worked well.

Monday I had 3 new horses come. I now have a lot of horses in work. My worker Mechelle has just rang and advised her arm is in a sling as the soreness from the kick a week ago is effecting the mobility of her arm. Shit. She will not be at work tomoz and due to avoiding workers comp I will still pay her. I wish I could do everything myself.

The house is becoming annoyingly unorganised and by the sound of my journal my life seems too sociable. I need to make use of cold weather and hybernate from the world for a while and concentrate on my own turf. I am however having low energy whenever I look around and acknowledge the place is in turmoil. Im seriously thinking of intaking dexeamphetamines to instill energy so I can get things orderly. My room in itself is definately a 3 day job. But I do not wish to be on 'a different planet' near the horses. So it kinda makes my mind up for me.

South Park is now starting. Gotta go

I am still thinking about how uplifting Sunday night was. I went to the concert with Jason my first serious boyfriend, his new gf Megan, who I introduces to him, Matt (Sashas hubby) and Dale a friend of Jasons from QLD. Matt met us there and waited in the long que for 20 min before we got there and was right near the front when we showed up. We went there in Jasons 350 monster truck. 

The fine was $100 for parking it illegally which I thought was cheap for a vehicle of its size, as the little CRV parked next to it got the same amount fine.

Anyway we got inside and there was no alcohol allowed. You couldnt buy any or anything. The place was swarming in black tee shirts. I saw about 2 checkered shirts and 3 red shirts in the whole complex. And then there was me...... in my bright pink tank top. woo hooo.
 
The band opened with Welcome to the Jungle then played Its so easy. The music was remarkable as it sounded just as good as it does on dvd/tape. The went on and played heaps of there good songs, Patience, My Michelle, Knocking on Heavens Door, Sweet Child o Mine, and of course November Rain. They did require the orchastra to play in that song as it did lack violin etc. 

I was having a ball and seemed to be surrounded by people either upholding a tough guy image, emos that thrash in a mild manner, girls jumping up and down trying for male attention and a few wogs to my surprise. I was the only one who didnt care as I let loose and jumped around and waved my hands in the air and sang the words to every song. Apart from the two songs he played that must be on the new album, i new all the words to the rest.

We were up close enough to have a good view and the sound was awesome. I really hope they come back again soon. What more can I say. I am soo glad I went.

My throat is a tad strange, not rasping sore but has a tingey feeling that makes my nose sting. This better not become something serious.

I went over to my friend Shelley's place yesterday. She has an 8 month old called Keeley. Born 1 day after me and her name is Kelly in Irish. Keeley has Meesels. Im pretty sure Im imunised and this was not linked to my sore throat.

The horse pictured above is called Bonni. He is for sale still. A lady came and rode him friday. I rode him before she got on. All was fine. Today she came and bought her daughter. They wanted to see Bonni jump. The lady rode the horse first. He was bucking and being naughty. He settled down and then the daughter got on. He was fine. Then they wished for me to jump him. He kept refusing even the smallest jumps. He was bucking and rearing and being a completely naughty horse. I wonder if they will come back and buy him. hmmmm

On friday I am going to an old mans house up the street to help move his weanlings (baby horses who has just been taken from there mothers) and we have to put them in a paddock. This should be fun seeings I have never handled little kiddy horses before. 

We have been getting quotes on some of the trees on the property. It cost 450 bucks to chop down a tree and chip it up!!!!!!! Iv got a chain saw!!!!!!!!!!

My new employee is going well and I have advertised for someone on weekends. Lets hope I get someone so I can arrange to go on a girly weekend down south.

Terrence the love of my life has invited me over his place when his parents go away for a week. He has been instigating conversation via sms with me. It used to be the other way round. I dont want to say it but Trace and I say he is the "one that got away". I wonder if I will still be interested in his innocent yet foolish drunken self once I land him. eh, best I not rush it. 

I havent advanced much with the reading of Rules and Regs of Racing. 

My retail therapy urg was satisfied this weekend. I was absolutely in gardeners paradise on Saturday when I stumbled across a beautiful (yet pricey) Gardening store called Dawsons on Hale road. It is magnifico! It even has its own cafateria set in the gardens and they serve...... Devonshire Tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I strolled along the blue metal paths that had different sections for different things. Fruit trees were alphabeticalized. They even have nut trees!!!!!! I was limited with funds and managed to purchase 4 cabbage plants. They look like cabbages but they have a white or purple colour in the centre. I knew where I was planting them and so I bought 2 of both purple and white. I then went back the next day with more cash and bought two kangaroo paws. One is the brilliant red and green, the other a new breed.... pink. Very water wise and both well liked by mum. Thats why I got them. 

The rains last night helped water in the urea I spread over some more of the grounds. I still have alot to go tho. Those hand held spreaders require many top ups. But I love doing it. No new branches down around the place but the pool was full and the horses were soggy.

Mum is drinking at full capacity, she really suprises me why she does it. I cant work it out. I used to think she only drank fast because she has company around but she seems to be on cloud 9 in a continual pattern. By lunch time you can see the effects and by tea time its a squaken. The forgetfulness and lame conversation makes me avoid being in the room with her long. Plus her screaming at the animals is enough to take out a gun license.

I have an electric blanket, I love it. I best go turn it on. My feet have been cold all day. Time I pull out those fluffy explorer socks. The best protection for feet against the cold. 

Fri nite a lady and her ex hubby (not divorced just split, but starting to get back together again), came over for a drink with mum and I. After a couple of bottles of wine I pulled out my 2001 Lancester Shiraz. It went down a treat and was much devoured by Terry (the ex hubby) and I whilst mum and Sharon drank white. I try and save the good bottles for special occasions but Terry was a wine lover and I sure as hell could have done with a quality drink. I accompanied the lovely wines with some smoked salmon with cream cheese on a fresh crusty french stick with some avocado to top it off. What made things seem even more delightful.... I had just had a shower and was in my warm tracky pants and bed scuffy sock things. How devine!! I didnt look flash but I sure wasnt there to please anyone. I ended up in bed buy 8.30 feeling light headed. I soon fell asleep.

Sat nite mum and I wanted to use the Baskerville winery voucher out of Tracy's entertainment book. Mum in her toxic annoying state was requesting garlic prawns so we decided to head there. It was closed. We wanted to go to Kappy's in Guildford (another of Tracy's vouchers), we rang, they were fully booked. We then ended up at Ironbark Brewery on Benara road. Very casual and rustic. We downed a bottle of wine and enjoyed there food, very casual. Mum got shitty with me for texting with my mobile. I was making conversation but nothing interesting was being discussed. I was watching my words as I did not want her to 'take offense' to anything and make her squawk. Anyway she got shitty about my texting and straight after dinner she got up and we left. Well, as we were leaving the wall was basically holding her up as her slide on shoes were not staying attached to her feet. She gave in and asked me to assist her to the car. I laugh. The woman needs me!! After driving home, I was in bed by 8.30. I had many messages through the night which included Terrence.

Trace, her friend Michelle and I went to 'The Biggest Morning Tea' at the vines on Thurs. There was scones and cake and sandwiches and lots of tea and coffee. Michelle seemed to eat alot which nevertheless did not stop her from thinking aloud. Trace won a wonderful prize, two The Vines Golf Club hats, which was better than nothing, which Michelle and I both got. At one stage Michelle got up and discovered only one piece of banana cake surrounded by plenty of carrott cake, her swooped in and started getting excited as she thought 'this is a sara leah cake', she then realise 'I need a fork to eat this' as she wandered to the main food table, Trace nudged me and says 'dare you to mess up her perfect cake' with that I picked it up and took a bite and kinda rolled it back onto her plate. The icing was damaged and perfection was no longer at our table. I quickly picked up my scone and filled both hands like nothing had happened. Michelle knew it was me, cos she didnt kick up a fuss. I like her cos she doesnt seem to have a revengeful side. The morning tea was most delightful and it was good to get away from the property and spend some quality girl time, conversation was good, food was good. Couldnt complain.

Bed time. 

Sunday bloody Sunday.

Plan was to get up around 7am. Feed 17 horses and muck out there yards. Load my horse into the float and go to a dressage lesson that started at 9am. Bom Bom.

Wake up at 7 and decide it can all wait til 7.30 cos its cold outside and its sunday. I had seemed to require more sleep as my body had not had ample sleep, yet both fri and sat nite I was asleep by  8.30pm!!!!! My phone rings at 7.10 to advise the truck transporting one of my horses to Geraldton wont be going til Monday. WELL THEN HOW BOUT CALLING ME AT A LATER TIME ON A SUNDAY!!!!!!

I dragged myself out of bed at 8am. Hurried around the property and fed the horses. Decided to muck out when I got home. 

My horse went really good seeings he is getting fed way too much to help lift his weight and not enough excercise. He is good to me although he has a short attention span and likes going fast when he decides too.

Got home at 10.30, I managed to leave Adult Riding Club (where my lesson was) before my older nurotic horse friends got to talk to me and chew up valuable Sunday time. It took 2 hours to pick up all the horsey pooh. I then gave them all a biscuit of hay and loaded up the two miniture horses onto the horse float and took them to Ascot where they live. Got home at 3pm and sulked that I wasted another whole weekend day playing horses. I work every day and its starting to wear me out.

I do like it but I dont. I need to leave the property to completely relax cos everywhere I look around here is congested, cluttered and makes me anxious.

I do however have a new worker who came Thurs and Fri. She is 22 and her name is Michelle. Still on her P plates and has a 2 year old son she arrives for work anytime between 8 and 8.30.  She mucks out then rides. We finish by 12 noon and she goes. I do however, now realise how much my horse handling and riding experience has improved over the last few years. I see that I was much like Michelle when I was her age, yet maybe even a tad more experienced. I can only hope I guide her correctly.

I was dwelling the other day. Remember when we were in primary school and there were days in your weekend or school holidays where you had absolutely nothing planned to do. I remember sitting and playing Mario Bros 3 on Nintendo continually for over 24 hours when I was about 13. Then as we get older you may have something planned everyday. These days I have at least 5 things everyday. I know it is probly part of my job but I wish I could kick back ona comfy couch more often and watch some movies. I think that will be my goal this winter.

Been having dreams about good looking guys in my sleep. I think that is a sign. Lack of sex. If I get frisky I will ring a random number in my mobile, there is a few in there that would come running. hehe

I messaged Trace at some ridiculous hour last night/this morning. I was so excited. Terrence messaged me. He was drunk and wanted to see how Im doing. I praised him for his drunk courage at making contact with me. I asked him if he misses me and he said.... YES ahhhh!!! 

I have two spare tickets to Guns and Roses. I thought it would be a sell out but didnt. They are $99 each and are in the stand up area at the back of the mosh pit. If you know anyone interested please let me know.

OK Im going to find out who gets evicted from BB tonight then I shall either watch a movie or study more of the Rules of Racing guide which is what I will be tested on when applying for my Trainers Licence. 

I no I no, One minute she shits me the next she saves me. 

Last night, came home from work, rode my horse in the dark, shampoo and conditioned him, plaited his mane and got him ready for the horse show today. Got inside around 8.30pm.

Got ready and drove to the casino. Lauren was tossing up whether to come. It was originally depending on if Glen was going down south with his mates. In the end after asking me a few questions she decided 'she couldnt be bothered'. aagghh

Met up with my drinking companion Bruce. We look like a couple, which in some ways is good cos you dont get strays come and hassle you. Anyway after lining up at the ruby room for over half hour we got in there at 11.45pm. We did however push in the line by preteneding to be friends with Jacob and Jess (real names are Chris and Ashley). The line was over 100 m long and there was no way I was going to the back. I was wearing a little black dress which makes me to priss to go to the back of the line. Anyway, after going in we were dying of thirst so we decided to have haigerbombs followed with a bourben. After having about 5 rounds of that the night became a blur. I ended up out side with a guy called Ali (he just texted me his name). We were messing around for a bit (mainly kissing) in a quiet spot. I then recall no longer being able to stand, he was a few metres away at this point in time. I lent forward, lost my balance and basically landed flat on my face, literally. Both knees bruised, one worse than the other, my face an absolute mess. 

After helping me up and walking me back towards the main doors I said goodbye and toddled to my car. (this is how i hope to recall it) I do not wish to think I went back inside the cas. When I reached the car, i had opened the door, I was unsure if I had the keys at this stage or if I left it unlocked. Two good looking fluro security guards on push bikes rode up and started chatting to me. I think one of them may have taken my hand bag off me to stop me from driving (i no!!!! was I contimplating on driving???!!!!!!!!!!!!) They then asked if there was someone I could call to come pick me up. I said mum. They then walked inside with me, they took me to a room where a lady sat and chatted to me, she works there too. One of the guys treated my grazes whilst I waited for mum. I started crying, possibly howling like a child. I dont really no why maybe the egg on my head was starting to hurt or possibly I felt like I was in the principles office and was waiting for mum. Either way no one told me I was stupid or made any upsetting opinions, the staff were fan bloody tastic. 

Mum came and got me, she pulled up at the front doors with the horse float in tow. They let her park there. She came in and we toddled to the car. This was around 5.30 so she advised me. 

I woke up at 9.30 this morning feeling really really really shit. I looked in the mirror was impressed at the damage yet shocked. I was suposed to be in Parkerville are riding my horse at 8.30- not possible. I dragged my way around the property fed all the horses.

I did not bring my hand bag home which consisted of my id, eftpos card, D & G mobile phone, car keys and lippy. I have no spare for my car (i do but I lost it-its here somewhere).  I rang Neasham and asked him to come help pick up my car. Mum Neash and I all went to the car park to my car I was hoping my bag was in the car somewhere possibly. Not there.

Neash ran in to the cas and it was in the lost and found. I had to go in and claim it. I had my raggy, ripped jeans on, my superman shirt and a purple hat on to disguise my injuries, plus sunnies, no bra. Mum lent me her jacket, I put on my 4 inch heels which were still in the car from last nite. The bouncer at the door didnt question me. He just advised that I remove my hat. After the lady at the counter staring at me and giving me a quick lecture on irresponsible drinking I signed for my stuff and left. Neash drove my car. 

I did not throw up however this afternoon I stuck my fingers down my throat. Not much came up. Just the cordial mummy poured for me. I am starting to feel better. I am working up and appetite and mummy made me alfredo cos I requested it. Its waiting for me right now inthe micro. One knee and my face hurt real bad. Im supposed to be seeing spiderman with the ex boyfriend Joe on Tues, I might have to delay it. I might see 'because I said so' with the Trace and Lauren but I havent made up my mind yet!!! Depends what my face is doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am the one who I should be swearing at. Why do I let these people walk all over me? This is what I am talking about with the whole new years resolution thingo. I cannot win. I just dont have time for this shit. The neighbour has come to ask if I can possibly look after her dogs 1 week every 4 whilst she may be working up north? She also asked if I wished to be paid for it? I didnt say anything about the pay but I said that it shouldnt be a problem to look after her dogs. This is a joke. I am digging my own grave. I cant do everything and my stress levels are way too high. And its all my own fault cos I just dont no how to say no, I also dont know how to say:

Get your hands off me you sleezy old man,
No you cannot come in and waste hours of mine and my mothers time dribbling shit whilst I do not make you tea/coffee or give you alcoholic beverages,
No I do not wish to feed your dogs while your away,
No I dont want you to fix that in a bodgy/temporary way-please fix to perfection so my property does not look like shit,
No you are here to work from _ until _ hour. Lunch and beverages will not be provided, the house will not be unlocked for your usage whilst we are not home and I have no intention of providing you with picks and alcohol after you have finished work.
No I do not wish for you to come into my shower and scrub my back
No there is no chance in hell I will share a spa with you
No I do not want you to just pop over for a visit.
No I dont want your nancy pant advice on how to manage one of the 20 of the horses I currently care for. Thankyou for your advice and good luck with your sick spoilt horse.
Oh and no I do not wish for you to smoke in our house, neither my mother nor I smoke. Mum has bad emfazeima and is a reformed chain smoker. Did I mention she has astma also. I do not wish for the house to smell like a whore house.


Ahhh Now getting that off my chest feels better. If only I could tell that to all those people. I wouldnt have any old annoying people coming to my house and troubling me. Funny thing is my mother feels the same way cos we often winge about it together (its rarely the only thing we agree on). I guess she would be pretty lonely if they didnt drop in but it really fucks your time around. The other drop in came over Monday night around 6.30, this one has come at 7 ish. Just in time to interupt our dinner time. Good thing I went to the servo and got a king size kit kat whilst filling up the jery cans tonight!!!!!

Enough winging. My back hurts.

I am currently here in my dirty  work clothes and smelly socks on my way to the shower when one of my "drop in" neighbours has just dropped in.  My mobile rings so I answer it and walk down the hall so I dont get anyone knocking on my bedroom door. As I walk down the hall attempting to acknowledge her presence but not make conversation, I pass her and walk into the study where I am located now. As we pass she is hitching up her big skirt as she makes her way to the "ladies". I look down at the floor as I dodge eye contact and I notice her red stilettos. 

Mum and her now sit at the kitchen table as the squawk at her dogs and our dogs cos they are barking and demand attention. I dont want to go out there as she will be smoking and I just had my hair done yesterday. Little things like this FUCKEN ABSOLUTELY SHIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end

Dunno why itssore, its not sore sore, it just feels rigid and stiff. Could it be cos of the horse (pictured) that I am trying to teach to jump?! Good chance it is. Nice horse, doesnt want to run fast therefore he has been sacked as a racehorse and we are now trying to sell him as a nice honest horse to anyone looking for a horse to plod around on. We are wanting 2k for him. His name is Bonni.

Not much new to report. Cant remember what I did the w/end before last but last weekend I went to the casino with a few horse racing people and the ex boyfriend Neasham. Couldnt drink too much as I was the supposed driver but I made Neasham do most of the driving. Couple of the guys commented and reckon Neasham and I are like an old couple. I said HA! An old couple, with out the sex!!! We are comfortable with each other but there is no romance there, we are good friends that can rely upon each other. For instance tonight, I picked him up from where he is staying in Ascot, bought him back here, fed him pork roast (mum made good apple sauce) and lent him my car overnight and for tomoz. Im a bit suss as to weather he intends to use my car to drive tonight as I feel he may be into the drugs again, but I just rang his mum and asked her to let me know if he goes out tonight in my car. Talk about keeping an eye on him hey. Im only thinking of his best interest.

Last week I saved my friend Mark Potter who was stranded on Gnangara Road on his way home from work. It was dark and I got the call that he needs a tow. I went down there with my mums trusty Toyota Avalon and a sturdy piece of rope and towed him back to my house. The next morning his car was towed to the repairers who previously fitted a new fuel pump! 

I have learnt a bit more stuff about horses, I had the vet come one day and take a bucket (laundry bucket size) of blood from a horse. A horse has 10% of its body weight made up of blood. So take this 550kg horse, he has roughly 55 litres of blood. We took rought 20-25litres. This helps his system rejuvenate new blood supposedly making new strong blood cells. The blood in the bucket was then disgarded, I tipped it over under near a tree at the side of the property where no one goes. The blood had already set like a jelly shot when i tipped it out. The next couple of days I found little pools of blood on the lawn. Wolf my German Shepherd found the stash and ate it then threw it up. How gross. The white Labrador we have called Tori has been caught with blood on her paws. The stash has now gone and life is no longer weird!!! 

What else. Iv started folding my washing. My room is a mess. I hate folding washing and hanging it on the line, my two pet hates. 

There is a frog that woooops all night. He has been doing it for the last week or so. Highly annoying. 

 Got a horse competition coming up on the 6th May. I am supposed to be getting drunk on the 5th. Thats always the way tho. The horse comp is in Parkerville for our adult riders inter club challenge. We have jumping, handy pony class and dressage. Best I start doing some work with my horse so he is not ferral on the day.

I have 5 horses I am working for other people at the moment. Not including Bonni the horse I am jumping. And not including the other horse down the street I am riding for another person. Thats 7 horses. Plus I need time to work my 2 horses plus Shelby the horse mum bought at the sales. Shelby needs to be taught how to have a saddle and rider on her back. I am thinking of teaching her myself but honestly I have no idea so it will be quite a challenge.

Today after working most of the horses, I made anzac biscuits, shortbread biscuits and mum and I did a pork roast. Yummo. We couldnt get the oven working at first, (cos its a new oven). I had to bash it a bit to get it to work, I was worried I wouldnt have my anzac biscuits ready in time for tomoz. I have promised a few people my yummy biscuites. I burnt one batch, shh dont tell anyone.

Well its only 7.17pm and I am tired. Yep my back still hurts.

Gareth the guy that rang me early morning the other day, the guy thats always in fights, rang me on a different number Sat night. I had to pretend my phone has been broken and that I swaped phones, anything to make me not look rude. He said he will give me one days warning when he gets back from up north which will be any day now, so he can 'come stay the night'. DO I HAVE BROTHEL PAINTED ON MY FRONT FENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And this other guy I no, an old friend, rang today and said his brother will be in town soon and that we should all catch up. He also asked if I was seeing someone. I told him I just started dating someone. I lied. Im getting all these offers but Im feeling nothing but cheap and nasty. Plus the fact that my eyebrows, bikini or legs are way past waxing date and it really doesnt making me feel attractive. At the moment Im not in the mood to be attractive. I am liking the whole fleecy trackies and in bed with my gardening mag by 8am with a cuppa tea and some chocolate. This feeling should pass soon, probly after this friday when the waxing is done. Next monday I shall book in for my nails to be done and the Wed my hair done. I will probly be a horn bag by that weekend. For now I shall enjoy nana status.

Pink concert Thursday night was awesome, one of the best concerts I have been too. Her voice was suberb, the dancing and stage show was excellent. I tried to take photos with my phone but none of them saved. I am spewin cos I took some good shots. The concert was at Challenge Stadium, it was quite a small and intimate concert which made it seem more special then a huge football oval full of people. I did however find that we were just another show among 100 of her shows, just another well rehersed show for her. Apart from that it really was good.

Was supposed to go to the 28 days concert tonight but we were cooking a pork roast!! Guns and Roses are coming to Perth and I really want to go. Terrence said I can come to the after party at his brothers place. Yay for Terrence, I am almost over chasing his arse around the sms country side. I dont think he is snipped anyway!!

Im working at the races tomoz. Then Bruce and I are going to Edgecombe Bros Winery for dinner. I like Brucey. We are good friends which we can joke around together. We pretend to call each other pet names like snookems and honey and baby and love and stuff. Good light hearted friends, gotta love em. Thanks to Trace for the 2 for 1 dinner voucher. Im in need of an entertainment book and need to find someone who sells them.